Vaffanculo List #2

Okayyy so, with World Cup over there is nothing to watch for a few weeks until the club season starts up again, or if your Juve, July 28th because you didn't fuck up bad enough to not make Europa League and get a longer vacation. So I'm just going to continue with my shit list because it amuses me.
1. Giancarlo Abete
I don't really have any new reasons to hate him this week, however, for his past he earns himself a lifetime acheivement on this list. He is a disgrace to Italian football and is one of the most corrupt people in Italy right now. Just seeing his face disgusts me.

Chi non salta interista è!

2. Alessio Secco
He wasn't on the last list, however he too is a lifetime acheiver here. Somehow he went from being Moggi's press secratary to Juventus' Sporting Director. He's a waste of space on this planet and I have a theory that he's an interistamerda put undercover as Juve's sporting director to just fuck them over, because that's really all he did. He signed terrible players to long, expensive contracts, which are now killing us. He sold off some of the most promising young Italian talent Juventus has ever seen. He too disgusts me. I can't even speak his name without getting angry, thus I will not say anymore about him. He doesn't even deserve this many sentences.

3. The Netherlands Nationl Team
No, they aren't on here because I was supporting them in the final and they lost, I was supporting Spain :) They are here because they don't know how to play football. They know kick boxing, karate, and various other types of mixed martial arts, but not football. Van Bommel is a douchebag and should not even be playing football. De Jong should've gotten a red in that final. I can't stand the way they play and their only saving graceis the prettiness of Rafael Van Der Vaart.

4. Giuseppe Marotta
Yup, he's back on the list. Not at #1, but he's still here. So far, he's been a good boy and listened to me when I said not to sell Giovinco, SO FAR! We'll see if he wants to be stupid now. He's on this list because he's annoying the fuck outta me. One day we are selling Diego the next day he's a grand part of the team. Then we are selling Trez, and the next day we aren't. I'm a woman and I don't change my mind this much. He needs to make up his damn mind and just start selling some of the 36 players we currently have on roster. And by that I mean Zebina, Melo, Grygera, Tiago, Amauri must leave now. I will help them pack their bags if they'd like! All I can say, is that if he wants to get his ass of this list he better tell Del Neri to find space in the starting XI for SuperSeba and he better bring me Pazzini, at the very least. And he better get rid of the five listed above ASAP

5. Zebina, Melo, Amauri, Grygera, Tiago

Don't they look all familiar and shit, that's because I just mentioned them about 5 seconds ago. They are the biggest wastes of space on our current team and I would love nothing more than to push them off a cliff watch their asses be kicked out of Torino! They all have their lovely stories...Zebina and Melo are BEST FRIENDS with the tifosi, Amauri is useless and even fucks things up in commercials, Grygera doesn't always remember which team he's playing for, however I may be able to forgive some of his blunders because of this; and Tiago, well he was never the brightest crayon in the box and that was confirmed after the world caught news that he locked (former) President Coboli Gigli in the washroom. All of these guys, in my opinion, are no longer assests, but liabilities and should be dealt with accordingly (read: cut your losses and sell them to the first offer that comes on the table!)

Hmmm who else can I hate on today... oh okay I got a good one!

6. Greaseano Cristiano Ronaldo
Why? Because its fun and he's an easy target. He just became a daddy to a baby he supposedly named after himself *cough*egotisicalbastard*cough*. He also allegedly paid the baby mama 12 million euro to stfu and so far she has. I also understand that upon the child becoming an adult he will inherit 180 million euro, so that kid is set for life. I've been hearing several stories about the mother - she's American, she's underage, she's Paris Hilton, she's British, she's a surrogate. My favourite out of all of those is hr being a surrogate so let's go with that! It would make a lot of sense for the mom to be a surrogate because I think we all know CR9 plays for the other team ;) He was also apparently out for dinner with some friends and Lance Bass. And he has recently stated he's in favour of same sex marriage. I mean, so am I and I'm straight, but the difference is he's from Europe where that kinda stuff still isn't full accepted. So, it could be a good indication that I'm right :) Anyways, I just hope he doesn't make his son bathe in grease like he does. God save us all if he does *shudders*....

Mk that seems to be enough haterade for one day...next week there will be a new list hopefully with potentially new targets...or just the same ones for different reasons.

1st Edition of the Vaffanculo List

So I've decided to start a new post - the Vaffanculo List. Basically anyone who fucks up, in my opinion, will make it onto this list. Capisce? Good :) Let's begin!

1. Marcello Lippi:
Why is that you ask? He won the World Cup with Italy in 2006, so I should cut the guy some slack right? Maybe, but I won't because that's not really how I work. You have to earn my respect everyday, and in terms of football, you have to earn my respect every time you step on that pitch and with every decision you make off the pitch. Lippi did earn my respect in 2006 because he was able to motivate that team to victory. This year, however, was a little different. He started out by choosing the wrong players, then decided to play them in the wrong positions to fill in the gaps of who he left at home, and then couldn't even motivate his players to even pretend to care while they were on the pitch. He was a disaster of a coach and brought shame to Italy. I hope he's proud of himself and his vergogna squadra.

2. Giancarlo Abete:
Well, this one's easy. He's a moron. He's corrupt. And I hate him with a passion. He is contributing to the demise of Italian football and it kills me to watch such an incompetent asshole  run the FIGC. I really have nothing to say about him except that he is a very good interista punishing Moggi out of fear of his return to Juventus.

3. Giuseppe Marotta
Surprise! I hate Juventus' new sporting director! Shocking right?! Not really. So far, he's signed Storari and Pepe and Bonucci and gotten rid of...Molinaro? Wow. Okay. So. That doesn't really say much because he hasn't really done much. However, the reason Signore Marotta is on this list, Giovinco. From what I've been hearing they are trying to trade Sebastian Giovinco for Marco Motta. WHAT. THE. FUCK. I thought it was a joke the first time I read it. Then I read it again and realized it was legit. Too bad Motta's not good. This is totally disgusting. Giovinco has been nothing but loyal and patient waiting for the chance he never got. He deserves so much more than what we've given to him. This is when I really wish I ran the shit over at Juve because I'm telling you things would be VERY different. After reading this it caused me, for the first time EVER, to question my loyalty to this club. I don't know if I want to be associated with a team that is becoming Inter 2.0 in the sense that we are wasting and selling all the young, Italian talent we spent years developing in the youth ranks. Let's think about this for a second, in the Primavera team we have Filippo Boniperti. Giuseppe Giovinco. Luca Belcastro. Iago. Fausto Rossi. Ciro Immobile. And those are just a few of the many talents. Sadly, I can almost guarantee we will sell them or start out with a loan deal that turns into a co-ownership and magically they are no longer Juventino anymore (see Domenico Criscito). Speaking of Crisito, I forgot to mention, Marotta sold him to Genoa, permanently. Wow, good call there bud. Can you taste the sarcasm? If this Giovinco - Motta swap happens, I will not watch a Juve match this season. I refuse. I can't be part of this kind of bullshit right now.

OK, I think thats all for today. I'm too angry to continue in a semi-coherent nature.

Complimenti Per la Vita da Campione...

I haven't posted in a while, the World Cup is quite time consuming! Of course Italy has been the team I care most about and I've been out there every match with my face painted, jersey on and flag around my neck. Why? I really have no idea. It isn't like they have been playing well or even showing to me they are deserving of any support, but for some reason called loyalty I haven't been able to help myself. I've found myself sitting at a table in a cafe in Little Italy praying for a goal, for a win, for anything really. As I write this, I am staring at the photos on my wall from 2006 and wonder what in hell has gone wrong.

This World Cup has seemed a little off to me from the beginning. After all, it is the first World Cup I've ever watched without Del Piero, Nesta, Totti, so naturally its a bit strange. My childhood heroes are no longer of the importance they used to be to the Azzurri according to Lippimerda. Of course, I beg to differ, why? Have you watched Italy play? If you have, you will understand. If you haven't, well then your lucky you haven't lost 4 hours of your life that you will never get back.

Against Paraguay, which was to be our toughest group match, we tied 1-1. Paraguay scored first leaving the Italians to play catch up. That is pathetic. When I said this would be our toughest match, I meant it would be a little difficult, we may have a few goal scares, but all in all we should come out on top. WTF  HAPPENED?! Ohhh that's right! I forgot that Lippi doesn't know who he picked for the squad! For some reason, now get this, he thinks, don't laugh! He thinks, that Marchisio is a winger! Okay you can laugh now! I mean what a friggin' joke! I think it is pretty clear based on his Juve performances the kid is a central midfielder and not a winger OR a trequartista. If you wanted one of those you should've called up an actual trequartista moron! Needless to say it was a painful match to watch and I'm glad its over.

Next up New Zealand. This was supposed to be one of the easier matches in the group stage, but it turned out to be a lot more stressful than it really needed to be. NZ scored first on a Cannavaro error, and God knows where the hell Marchetti was. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, Buffon or San Gigi as I like to call him, was injured in the Paraguay match. As if we really needed our best player injured right? Whatever. Anyways, Italy got a penalty shot after De Rossi was pulled down in the NZ box. It seemed a bit of a soft penalty to be honest, but I really didn't care at that point! Iaquinta scored it and the boys celebrated all adorable and shit. All seemed to be looking up and the first game against Paraguay would be forgotten.

 Sadly, the happiness ended there because the match ended in another 1-1 draw.  It was pathetic, the squad looked slow and lacked any and all creativity. Lippi again decided not to listen to the rest of the world and played many players out of position and NZ, I'm sure, are very happy about this. 

I really though after the Paraguay match, it couldn't get worse, then it did and now I'm worried. We play Slovakia next who only have 1 point. Let's hope this will be our first win in this World Cup. There are only a few ways left in which Italy can qualify and they look something like this:

1. They beat Slovakia. 

2. Italy ties Slovakia and Paraguay beats New Zealand. 

3. Italy ties Slovakia and Paraguay and New Zealand tie with fewer goals than the Italy result.

4. If both games end in a draw and New Zealand and Italy end up with the same number of points and goals for and against, there will be either a random draw or a coin toss to determine who goes through.

So basically option 4 better not happen because Italy has terrible luck this year and most definitely won't win the coin toss. I'm really not sure what to say. I said from the day the squad list was revealed that we would be lucky to get through the group stage matches and everyone yelled at me and called me crazy. Look who isn't so crazy now...I hate to say I told you so, and I won't until after Thursday's match, but this really isn't looking good. As much as I hate this team, I WANT so badly to be wrong about them. I want them to prove to me that they deserve my respect because right now they don't. I'm sure there could have been some very big breakouts from some of our new kids if Lippi played them in their proper positions. Its a shame that players like Marchisio now appear untalented to someone who has never seen him play before. After the match I didn't even want to walk in the subway station with the flag on my face because I was so ashamed of our performance. Its disgusting, I should be proud of my country, but how can I be? We are the defending champions, but they don't even look like they give a damn about defending that title! They better come out ready to go on Thursday and bang in the goals because right now, this 1 goal catch up game we're playing really isn't working for me. Our strikers need to step it up. Either play Gila where he should be played or don't play him at all! It was nice to see Pazzini out there for a bit though! I'm not surprised like most people are right now, I'm disappointed. I hope Lippi is proud of himself, I hope he is impressed with what he's done.

I swear, Borriello's mom put some kinda curse on Italy! Don't mess with a women from Napoli!! ;)

2010 Italian World Cup Prayer

"Our coach, who art in South Africa, Lippi be thy name. The day has come, thy will be done in '10 as it was in '06. Give us this year, our 5th World Cup and forgive the heathens for trespassing as we forgive those whose offsides worked against us and lead us not to elimination, but to glorification. Amen. FORZA AZZURRI!"

This was sent to me by one of my friends, not sure who wrote it but its hilarious! :)

Fangirl Guide to the World Cup Update

Okay, so I've been super busy and profiling every single team is EXTREMELY time consuming and the uglies are emotionally draining, so what I've decided to do is this: If you have a favourite team or just a team you want me to make fun of show some love to, REQUEST THEM!  That way I'm not profiling teams no one really cares about because its a waste of my time and yours:) OK? Great! Let's get started! Who do you wanna see first??????

Fangirl Guide to the World Cup Part 3

Welcome to the 3rd installment of the fangirl guide to the World Cup! I'm in a slightly better mood right now, so perhaps I will feel more inclined to give out approvals! So let's get started! Today is group B's turn! Group B consists of Argentina, Nigeria, Korea Republic, and Greece. First up, Argentina!
Goalkeepers:

Diego Pozo

Wow, we are definitely off to a good start here Argentina, I'm impressed! He's is totally approved for fangirling...even with the David Villa soulpatch!

Mariano Andujar

 So I guess he looks good here, but some of the other pictures I saw were NOT as good. So he's getting a half approval just because I can't decide.

Sergio Romero

I actually remember this guy from when I saw him play at the U-20 World Cup in Canada a few years back. He was really good, but he just looks too grease for me:(

 That means Argentina's goalkeepers get a 1.5/3! Maradona, I think you need to step it up.

Defence!

 Martin Demichelis

No thank you.

Clemente Rodriguez

Oh, wow. Uhm is it just me or does he look like he's had some Botox or Collagen injections in the lower have of his face....No, thanks. I like the natural agers...

Nicolas Burdisso

He's another one that creeps me out! I don't approve, but I would like to take this time out to thank him for all those times he got red carded for Inter while playing against Juventus, it was real sweet of ya ;) Okayyy fine! I'll try to play nice...

Gabriel Heinze

Hehe that looks like he got his mug shot taken in a Real jersey! Anyways, he doesn't do anything for me, sorry, but its a no.

Ariel Garce

Ok so he isn't conventionally pretty, but there's something about him...I don't know what it is...damn, he get's a yes:)

Walter Samuel

Not much going on for him, except his eyes...

Nicolas Otamendi

Prime example of when the soul patch grows into something else...I don't approve.

So the defence gets...1/7! Wow, looking bleak Argentina, better hope the mids can lift some spirits!

Midfield!

Mario Bolatti

He's just not....I dunno...but no.

Angel Di Maria

uhmm...he kinda reminds me of a 15 year old going through their awkward stage...he is only like 16 right? Either that or he doesn't age!

Juan Veron

Wow, he actually scares me in some of the pictures I saw. I guess he's there for intimidation factor?

Javier Mascherano

So I guess we are kinda improving....

Jonas Gutierrez

You know, at first I was all "Oh God, not another one!" But he's kinda growing on me...good work Jonas, you're approved:)

Maxi Rodriguez

And just when I thought we were turning over a new leaf...

Javier Pastore

One word: APPROVED! I <3 him!! So proud he's going to the World Cup! 

So Argentina score 2/7 in midfield...so we are improving!

Attackers!

Gonzalo Higuain

Wow, hello then! That's the improvement Argentina needed! Approved!:)

Lionel Messi

Okay, adorable! And I love him! He's such a talented player, so just for that he gets approved! Hey! This is my guide and I can play favourites if I want to! :D

Carlos Tevez

Yeah, no.

Sergio Aguero

He's a cutie, he's approved!

Martin Palermo

So he may not be the BEST looking, but he does things like this, so for that he gets half a point:)

Diego Milito

Never. Ever. Even if he was the last man on the planet. I have nothing more to say to you!!

The attackers get 3.5/6! So that was fun. Next...Nigeria!!

Goalkeepers:

Vincent Enyeama

He looks serious. Like he's all ready for business. I'm not sure if I like it, so he gets half a point.

Austin Ejide

He's cute:) He is approved!

 Dele Aiyenugba

Why so sad? Be happy! This is the World Cup! Smile dammit!

 So the goalies get 1.5/3 - not bad! Following in Argentina's footsteps...

 Defence!

 Joseph Yobo

He kinda looks like he has a snarl...I'm not sure if I can explain it....

Taye Taiwo

He just looks so angry!

Rabiu Afolabi

Wow, he could so rock ANTM with fierce eyes like that! Half a point:)

Danny Shittu

Uhmm. No thank you:)

 Chidi Odiah

 Another one with fierce eyes! Dang! Well half a point for you too!:)

Uwa Echiejile

He looks too angry *grrr*

 Dele Adeleye

Although not the greatest shot of him, he is actually a good looking guy. He's approved:)

 The defence scores 2/7. Well, I think that beat Argentina....

 Midfield!

Nwankwo Kanu

Well, doesn't he look spiffy! Half a point for you :)

John Obi Mikel Brown Ideye

 So he's replaced Mikel on the team. But I don't understand all the anger!

 Kalu Uche

 He seems to be a fairly decent guy...half a point!

 Yussuf Ayila

 Hehe it looks like a passport photo...or one from 1973....

 Sani Kaita

He's a pretty good looking guy, he gets half a point too:)

 Lukman Haruna

Ok seriously, why so sad?!

Dickson Etuhu

Heyyyyy I know youuu!! You aren't anything special, but I feel like being nice so you get half a point!

Giving the midfield a score of....2/7! Seriously, they might be tied with Argentina! 

Attack!

John Utaka

Smiling is good for your health...

Yakubu Aiyegbeni

Heheh spirit fingers:) Half a point!

Obafemi Martins

Oh the hair... :(

Peter Odemwingie

Well hi there:) He's totally approved!!

Victor Obinna

Hehe, I remember him...no.

Chinedu Ogbuke Obasi

Seriously, what was your hair thinking?!

The forwards get a score of 1.5/6. Okay, so mayyybe Argentina won....Next up: Korea Republic
Goalies:)

 Woon Jae Lee

He looks a bit too old to be playing in the World Cup...

Sung Ryong Jung

So, I guess he's kinda cute in the "I look high" kinda way...I like the dimples, so he gets a half point.

Young Kwang Kim

Hmm...no...see some scars are cool, his is not. 

So the keepers score 0.5/3.  :( Not looking bright...

Defence!

Beom Seok Oh

Hehe aww he looks like the nicest guy ever!! So sweet! Half a point!

Hyung Il Kim

OMG He kinda looks like that guy Archie from CSI! He gets a point:)

Yong Hyung Cho

Ok no and that Justin Bieber hair is not helping.

Young Pyo Lee

He also looks like age isn't treating him well...

Jung Soo Lee

Deer caught in headlights? 

Dong Jin Kim

Awwwww!! Look at the happiness!! Ok half a point for that:)

Du Ri Cha

Well I guess since I gave the other guy a happiness point, I have to give you one too...fine, half a point.

Min Soo Kang

Oh God, the hair and the pornstache. Just no.

So the defence score 2.5/7...not bad!

Midfield!

Nam Il Kim

He's adorable! He gets half a point :)

Bo Kyung Kim

This haircut is seriously popular among this team! No.

Ji Sung Park

WTF this hair needs to change! And I'm unimpressed with this bitchface!

Jung Woo Kim

Unfortunately for him, he looks like a guy I went to high school with.

Jae Sung Kim

Awesome hair! This is what I'm talking about!! He's approved because he's Pirlo's Korean hair twin.

Sung Yueg Ki

So he's kinda cute, just needs a new hairstyle. Half a point.

Chung Yong Lee

Since his hair is half decent he gets half a point.

Ki Hun Yeom

Nice tan! And the hair's not bad...half a point:)

So the mids get 3/8! 

Attackers:

Jung Hwan Ahn

The pornstache needs to go. ASAP.

Chu Young Park

He's kinda cute, his bangs need to be cut though or else he won't be able to see. Half a point:)

Seung Yeoul Lee

And dorkiest hair ever! Is that a comb over???

Dong Gook Lee

Why soo sad???

The attackers get 0.5/4! Not so good :( Up next: Greece!

Goalkeepers:

Konstantinos Chalkias

Wow, he's really good looking. He is approved:)

Alexandros Tzorvas

Ooohh, pretty eyes:) Approved!

Michail Sifakis

He's pretty cute! Impressed! Approved!

Damn Greece, I'm impressed! Awesome start 3/3 for the goalies!!

Defenders:

Giorkas Seitaridis

Hmm yes please :) Plus, he gets extra love for THIS! 

Christos Patsatzoglou

Hmmm he's a tough one...I'm not sure. He's gonna get half a point because I can't decide.

Nikos Spiropoulos

Very good looking! Definitely approved!

Vangelis Moras

Uhmm...I'm really undecided on this one, so he gets half a point.

Avraam Papadopoulos

Uhm, no I don't think so.

Loukas Vyntra

Wow, those eyes are amazing. Approved :)

Vasilis Torosidis

I guess he's okay, but compared to some of his teammates...no.

Sotirios Kyrgiakos

Although his eyes are quite sultry in this photo, I think its going to have to be a no.

Sokratis Papastathopoulos

Hehehe he has the word pasta in his name! That's amazing! So he gets a half a point for that because I'm hungry! :)

Stelios Malezas

Pretty hair :) Half a point.

So the defence scores 5/10! Wow 10 defenders!? 

Midfield

Alexandros Tziolis

No, not even the hair is working.

Georgios Karagounis

Oh, no, no thank you.

Sotiris Ninis

Ohh he's kinda cute:) He's approved.

Konstantinos Katsouranis

I think this is an older photo of him, but since he was sooo good looking here he is approved:)

Athanasios Prittas

This was one of the only photos I could find of him! And its so small I can't even tell! That is annoying so you get a no.

2/5 for the mids. I guess that's not bad...

Forwards:

Georgios Samaras

Great hair, cute face....APPROVED!

Angelos Charisteas

Hmmm...I dunno...half a point because I like his eyes

Dimitrios Salpingidis

Yeah, I don't think so...

Theofanis Gekas

No thank you...seriously the hair??

Pantelis Kapetanos

Okay, no. I don't understand the hair.

So the strikers score 1.5/5. I guess that's not bad. Too bad we couldn't end the post better...anyways, next up: Group C!